


Foolproof

by thelotusflower



Category: South Park
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Attempt at Humor, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Romance, more tags to come
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-20
Updated: 2021-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-29 02:07:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30149106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelotusflower/pseuds/thelotusflower
Summary: Craig agreed to go on a blind date to get Clyde off his back, but when he shows up to the pub, he finds out his blind date is one of thier mutual friends, Kyle. They quickly find out they are in similar situations which leads them to the foolproof plan of fake dating.
Relationships: (past), Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Kyle Broflovski/Craig Tucker, More tags to come - Relationship, Stan Marsh/Kenny McCormick
Comments: 13
Kudos: 27





	1. The Blind Date

**Author's Note:**

> SO I kind of hate this first chapter? But... It will get better. 
> 
> Anyways, this is my first CRYLE multi-chapter !!!!! :))) I hope y’all like it! Thanks! I saw a prompt similar to this on tumblr awhile ago? If I find it, I’ll link it! :)

Craig steps into the Pub, putting a wedge between himself and the cold Colorado night. He begins to unravel his scarf as he takes a few steps forward, glancing around in an attempt to find his date. He does not know why he agreed to a blind date; he’s only been one in the past, and it went terribly.

Well, he does know — he wants Clyde to shut up.

Clyde said to look out for a redhead, and in his glance around, he spots a familiar face. Instead of questioning it, he heads towards him — glancing around for another redhead as he passes through the pub however he fails to find another.

The familiar face catches his eyes with him as he walks over, throwing up a wave with furrowed eyebrows.

“Hey Red,” he calls out as he reels in closer. “What a small world we live in.”

Kyle nods his head; eyebrows still furrowed. “Uh, yeah. What are you doing here?” Kyle cocks his head.

Craig glances around the pub once more, yet again failing to spot any other glimpses of red hair. He faces Kyle and sighs. “Appeasing Clyde. How about you?” he glanced the other man up and down, noticing he looked more a little more well-kept than usual; at least his hair.

Kyle squints his eyes. “Appeasing Stan… Are you on a blind date?”

“Um. Yeah?”

“Goddammit,” Kyle shakes his head, pulling out his phone with a scowl.

Craig watches him with furrowed eyebrows — about to ask what possibly pissed him off _now_ when it dawns on him as well. “Let me guess. You’re also on a blind date.”

Kyle rolls his eyes up to him with his lips pressed into a straight line and eyebrows low. _“Yup._ And he is tall with black hair,” Kyle offers a tight smile.

Craig shakes his head in exasperation before peering around the Pub. He spots a few who match Kyle’s description, but none appear to be waiting on a date. He rolls his eyes to the ceiling before taking a seat across Kyle.

“I need a drink,” Craig declares, eyeing around for the waiter, and frowning when he does not spot her.

“Just to clarify: we both know this is not a date, right?”

Craig shifts his eyes onto Kyle, analyzing him. Does he think he is stupid enough to believe this a real date?

“Wow, heartbreaking. Here I was thinking we were boyfriends now.”

Kyle’s eyebrows sink lower as he scowls at him. “I’m just making sure. I don’t want any confusion between us.”

“Communication _is_ key in a relationship,” Craig smirks at him, setting his clasped hands on the table.

Kyle rolls his eyes away as he lets out a huff. “I can’t believe I agreed to do this. I didn’t even want to come in the first place. I have an Organic Chemistry exam on Wednesday I could be studying for.”  
  


“If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t want to do this either. Clyde told me he would leave me alone about my dating life though if I did,”

Kyle’s eyes shift to his as he releases a sigh, rolling his shoulders back. “That’s sort of why I agreed to it as well,” Kyle’s eyes fall to the table; his voice becoming tenser. “Stan has this warped view of reality where in order to be happy you need to be in a relationship,” Kyle’s eyes click to his again. The other male clicks his tongue and shakes his head. “I don’t even have time for one though; it would just be more stress than anything? At least that’s how it’s been with every relationship I’ve been in through college…”

Just as Craig is about to respond, the waitress comes over to take his drink order. Craig places an order for a Mai Tai while Kyle places an order for another Moscow Mule. After the waitress leaves, Craig gives Kyle his attention once more, pursing his lips.

Craig takes on Kyle’s information with a head nod, pursing his lips. He does not remember Kyle being in any long or serious relationship before; always seeming overall uninterested in it all. Craig sucks in a breath; eyeing the bar and hoping his drink would arrive soon. “Clyde thinks I’ve been in a bad mood lately and he claims that I’m happier when cuffed.”

Kyle’s eyes shift to the corners as he purses his lips. “I can see how that’s true.”

“Fuck off,” Craig says, “I didn’t judge you for your shit.”

“Yeah,” Kyle shrugs, “I guess you’re right. I take back my judgment,” Kyle holds up his hand. “We are both the victims of horrible friends.”

“I would toast to that if I had my drink,” Craig quirks an eyebrow.

Kyle lifted his drink to him with a nod, “I’ll take a drink for you.”

He watches as he take two sips, his eyes filtering down to his Adam’s apple as he does so. It is not that he does not find Kyle attractive. He has probably had fleeting moments of desire for him in the past, but none of it meant anything. He never attempted to make any moves, or even considered to. They were in the same friend group — a friend group that already consisted of one of his ex-boyfriends. He never wanted to complicate it more.

Their waitress approaches a moment later, dropping off their drinks and taking Kyle’s old one. Craig immediately grabs for it, taking a heavy sip.

“How long has Clyde been bugging you for?” Kyle eyes him before even touching his drink.

Craig ponders. He does not really know. He takes another sip from his straw as he thinks, eyeing the ceiling as he does so. “Maybe a month, or so?” His eyes snap back to Kyle again as the other man grabs for his drink.

Kyle begins to stir his drink with his straw, pursing his lips. “Stan has been bugging me for the last _three.”_

“Jeez. How have you not decked him yet?”

Kyle shakes his head, taking a sip of his drink. He offers a small hum of consideration. “I’ve thought about it,” he picks his head up with a tight smile. “Maybe I will after this stunt.”

Craig offers a small puff of laughter. “I definitely am planning on kicking Clyde’s ass… but if I’m being honest. I’m kind of glad it’s you — I hate doing that stupid, first date, small talk bull shit.”

Kyle nods, quirking an eyebrow, “you don’t think Clyde’s gonna try to force you on another blind date after we tell them this one was a failure?”

Craig frowns, rolling his eyes away. “Fuck. Yeah… you’re right,” he shakes his head. “This is never gonna end. I’m gonna have to move out.”

“Why don’t you just … _date_ someone so Clyde backs off? You never seem to have struggled with getting your dates before,”

Craig snaps his eyes back to the amber ones that are pointed to him. “I still don’t have trouble.”

Kyle smirks, “okay, _cocky,_ then why do you need to be set up on a _blind_ date?”

“I’m tired of dating. I need a break from it… Clyde just thinks that I’m like,” he rolls his eyes, biting down on his lip as he stares at the table. He does not know why he is even sharing this information. He will not. “It doesn’t matter,” he eyes Kyle again. “Point is, I _want_ to be single, and I think my opinion is more important than Clyde’s on the matter, but he knows no boundaries.”

Kyle smacks his lips together, puffing out his cheeks before releasing a breath. “I feel you there… Stan’s the same…,” Kyle’s gaze lingers on the surface of the table. “I think he’s worried that I’ll look back at my college years and somehow regret prioritizing school. I used to be a little wilder in high school _,_ I guess, but college takes a lot more effort than high school.”

“When you get a football scholarship, I don’t think grades count that much,”

“Don’t be a dick,”

“I was talking about Clyde. It’s on you if your mind went to Stan,”

Kyle rolls his eyes, but smiles. “Well, we were _talking_ about Stan, so I think it’d be safe to assume you were referring to him.”

Craig shrugs. “What are you going to say to him when you get back? You think he’ll stop, now that you’ve put yourself out there?”

“Mm, I don’t know. Maybe,” Kyle shrugs, biting his lip as he turned away. “Probably not though — considering we didn’t even really treat this as a date.”

“We could tell them we did — pretend that we talked about all that bull shit that you talk about on first dates and came to the conclusion that we are not compatible.”

  
Kyle slowly nods and squints his gaze at nothing in particular. He pushes a few red curls behind his ear and scratches his cheek thereafter. “We _could,_ ” Kyle nods, voice smaller than normal. “ _Or,_ ” he connects their gaze. “We could pretend that it went _really w_ ell and that we’re planning to go on a _second_ one,”

Craig furrows his eyebrows, tilting his chin down as he inspects Kyle. “What? Why would we say that?”

“Think about it,” Kyle throws a hand out in gesture, “we tell them we are going on a second date — they don’t bug us to go on some date with someone else. Both of us don’t want to be tied to a relationship, but have horrible, annoying friends.”

Craig squints his eyes, thinking it over. He nods, sucking on his lips as his eyes wander as his thoughts process. “I mean… it could work,” he declares. “But what about after the second date? Don’t you think they will just continue to try and set us up?”

Kyle bites his lip, nodding. He brings a hand to his chin as he thinks. “Yeah… Yeah, you’re right. We could just… keep it going,” he shrugs, connecting his eyes to Craig’s. “Pretend we are dating — in a relationship when the time comes.”

Craig’s eyes widen as he processes what the other says. _Pretend they are in a relationship._ That seems pretty … _intense._ However, it would free him of Clyde’s incessant meddling. “That seems like it would be a lot to pull off.”

“It’s just an idea,” Kyle shrugs one shoulder; eyes flickering to his glass as he goes to pick it up. “I know I’m not looking for an _actual_ relationship anytime soon, and if you really want one, then we just, _break up,_ ” his eyes find Craig’s again as he shrugs.

It _seems_ like a foolproof plan, but yet, Craig’s gut advises him against it. “What if one of us wants to sleep with someone else?”

Kyle’s eyes dance around the room quickly. “I don’t think that would be a problem. As long as you make sure no one sees you… otherwise it would probably look like you were cheating, which would probably cause drama amongst our friendgroup, but… I mean we wouldn’t actually be committed to one another. You could do whatever you wanted.”

Craig stares. He can hardly register what he is hearing. The idea seems so ludicrous. The whole thing seems _ludicrous._ “So basically… we are each other’s _beards?_ But instead of it being a gay thing, it’s just so our friends will fuck off?”

“Exactly.”

Craig squints at Kyle. He rubs the back of his neck. “Uh, I’ll have to think about it… for now… we can just say the date went well, and we have another one planned.”

“Perfect,” Kyle nods, a smile eliciting. “No one jumps into relationship labels that fast anyways.”

“So. What do we say? We hit it off? Did we do anything? We should be sure to have the same story,”

“Do you _usually_ do anything on the first date?” Kyle dips his chin down, giving him a pointed stare.

“It depends…” Craig shrugs, eyes flickering away. He lifts his gaze back to Kyle. “Let’s just say we made out. It seems realistic. We knew each other before tonight.”

“Okay… sure. We made out. And we will just say… we talked about…,” Kyle’s eyes dance around the bar as he huffs out a breath. “I don’t know. What are you interested in?”

“Space?”

“Alright, we talked about space,” Kyle nods; something manic glinting in his amber eyes, “And like our majors and college, and stuff. You told me about your film classes, and I told you about my biology classes.”

“Sure. I’m still going to say we talked about how dumb our friends are though,”

“Yeah, yeah,” Kyle nods frantically, “it’s good to stick to the truth.”

Craig squints at him, eyeing him up and down; noticing how his fingers are tapping against his glass and the strange vibration that has overtaken his body. “Are you going to be fine lying to Stan like this?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You just seem… nervous.”

“I just have to make sure he believes me, but I don’t think it will be that difficult.”

“Haven’t you been best friends since like… preschool?”

“Haven’t you been friends with Clyde for a long time?” Kyle counters.

“Clyde is easily the most gullible person I’ve ever met,” Craig scoffs. “I could tell him I saw a flying pig, and he’d believe me.”

“Okay… well, Stan likes to hear good news. He believes what he _wants_ to believe, and he wants me to be happy, and in a relationship, so I think it will be fine.”

“Whatever you say Red.”

“Just text me after you tell Clyde,” Kyle requests. “To tell me how it goes.”

“You’re already gonna be this needy after our _first_ date?” Craig raises his eyebrows. “I might have to reconsider on that second.”

Kyle exhales sharply through his nose, unimpressed. “Just text me,” he says.

“Fine,” Craig puts a hand up in defeat, grabbing his drink again to take a sip. “I’ll text you.”

“Great!” Kyle raises a smile in approval. “We should probably stay here a little longer though, if we actually want to give off the impression that it went well.”

“Whatever you say Red,” Craig says again, taking another sip of his drink. “This is your plan. I’m just playing along.”

“And I appreciate it, but it’s for your benefit too!”

“Yeah, if it works.”  
  


“Why wouldn’t it?” Kyle shrugs, eyes widening innocently.

Craig is not sure why it _wouldn’t_ other than the whole thing just seems _ridiculous._ He shrugs, “I don’t know.”

“You’re just being _negative_ ,” Kyle says. “Have some faith.”

Craig is still unsure of the plan, but he attempts to have some faith as Kyle says. If this will get Clyde off his back, maybe it will not be so bad.

He and Kyle spend the the next hour or so talking; not about their plan, but _actually_ about school work, teachers, and the Norwegian film that Craig had to watch recently. Craig finds that it is surprisingly easy to talk to Kyle one-on-one, perhaps even easier than talking to him in a group setting.

After a couple more drinks, they part ways and Craig heads back to his dorm.

He is not surprised when he walks inside and finds Clyde upright on the couch, grinning at him with wide wyes of interest. He lets out a sigh as he approaches him, closing the door behind him. Here goes nothing.

“ _Well_?” Clyde raises his eyebrows.

“Well, you’re a dumb ass. It’s not a blind date when you know the person.”

“Yeah, but isn’t that better? You’re friends first. You don’t have to go through that bullshit small talk stage!”

Craig smirks, “I actually said that,” he says, taking a seat next to his roommate on their couch.

“So it went well then?” Clyde beams at him.

Craig eyes the bright smile on his face and nods. “Yup. We have a second date.”

“Awesome! I knew you two would have a blast,” Clyde exclaims, slapping his back.

Craig rolls his eyes. “Yeah, we’ll see how it goes…”

Clyde spends the next half-hour drilling him on questions about their date and what they are doing on their second date. Craig offers vague answers; staying as close to the truth as possible, as it is easier to pass of lies that way.

After enough questioning, he goes to his room and sends a text to Kyle.

_It went well._

_Great. Same with my end._

_Cool._

Craig goes to sleep that night, feeling overall content with their plan. Clyde is an easy person to fool. Although he is not the person he is _worried_ about fooling. It is making it believable to everyone else that is the problem.


	2. Official

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for the support! hope you enjoy :)

Their second “date” is scheduled a few days after their first. Craig does not miss the opportunity to mess with Kyle when he asks for the second date. If he is going to _fake_ date someone, he at least has to entertain himself by being somewhat of an asshole.

Unsurprisingly, Kyle requests for their second date to take place at the library. Except, they will tell their friends it is at a restaurant. Craig takes this as another opportunity to mess with Kyle. When Clyde asks where he is going, he explains Kyle’s plans — having their second date at the library and telling people they are at the coffee shop instead to appear _normal_. Clyde barks out laughter in response and then says, “you must _really_ like him to go to the library” which severely annoys him. He gives Clyde the bird before slamming the door shut and heading out of his dorm.

Because he is a loyal and honest person, he _tells_ Kyle about this when he arrives at the library.

Kyle dips his chin down in response, narrowing his brown eyes upon him. “Seriously Craig? Why?”

“Because it’s funny, and of course you would choose the _library_ for our second date,” Craig answers, pulling his laptop from his backpack. He is honestly surprised that Kyle chose the non-silent part of the library to sit in. He figures that he probably wants to discuss their plan going forward though.

“Well, considering it’s not a _real_ second date…,” Kyle mumbles from behind his laptop, fingers tapping on the keyboard. “If this were a real date, we would have gone somewhere better,” Kyle rolls his eyes to the ceiling — the sound of the keyboard stalling. “But that’s the _point —_ we said _coffee shop_ because it’s realistic,”

Craig just listlessly stares, unamused by the other male. He seriously needs to relax. “Well, it’s _Clyde,_ so I don’t think we have to worry about things being _realistic_. He believes in Bigfoot.”

Kyle’s eyes click onto him, and he lowers his eyebrows. “You’re still an asshole,”

“Never said I wasn’t,”

Kyle shakes his head. “I figured if we came to the library, we can at least be productive while we do this,” he waves a hand between them.

Craig’s eyes scan over Kyle, laptop, textbook, notebook, and eventually two paper coffee cups beside him. He quirks an eyebrow up in curiosity. If this were Tweek, he would not even give the _two_ coffee cups a second thought. Although this is Kyle, and he drinks coffee like a _normal_ human being.

“You get me coffee?” He lifts his head to the male whose eyes have returned to the screen of his laptop.

“I did, but then you annoyed me, so,” Kyle shrugs, staring steadily at his laptop screen — keyboard clicks steadily like pattering raindrops.

“Seriously?” Craig bows his chin down, staring at brown eyes that avoid him — flickering against his laptop screen instead. Craig’s shoulders slump in dejection as he eyes the coffee. It is not like he _needs_ it, but if he is going to spend time at the _library,_ he would prefer to be caffeinated. He eyes Kyle again, whose eyes are still glued to the contents of his laptop. “You’re not going to give it to me?”

A second later, Kyle’s pupils flick up, amber eyes meeting hazel. A pink smirk spreads out on his pale face after a moment. He removes his hand off the keyboard and pushes the coffee cup towards Craig. “It’s not nice to be messed with, huh?” He raises his eyebrows at him.

Craig gives him the bird — offering a somewhat of a small smile that he is not entirely sure even _looks_ like a smile if he is honest — and takes a drink. He is surprised to discover that it is one of his _favorite_ drinks — peppermint mocha. He never would have assumed Kyle _knew_ his favorite drink. He probably would not know his. He knows he likes _coffee,_ but that’s it.

When he sets his coffee back onto the table, he notices that Kyle’s focus is on him rather than his laptop. He is probably expecting a thank you or something.

“Thanks,” Craig says. “How did you know I like peppermint mocha?”

“You’re an easy person to follow. You get the same drink every single time,” Kyle’s eyes flick back to his laptop. “I’ve heard your many complaints last spring when they took it off the menu.”

“It should be a year-long _drink,”_ Craig declares, picking up his coffee cup to slam onto the table for some added emphasis. He still doesn’t manage to get Kyle’s attention though. “It’s popular. Everyone loves it. Why don’t they keep it year-round?”

“Capitalism,” Kyle mumbles, “it’s what America runs on.”

Craig grins in amusement, although the grin goes past Kyle as his eyes stay glued to his laptop. Craig turns his attention to his laptop in dismay, scrunching up his nose in disgust. He has a paper to start for his Web and Mobile Marketing class, but he really, rather not do it.

He does not normally come to the library. He does not see the difference between his room — which he does not have to leave his dorm at all to get to — and the library — which is about a fifteen-minute walk from his dorm room. His room is _comfortable,_ and the library is _not._ He is just as efficient at home, except on the days where Clyde is unavoidable. Although, that just gives him reason to procrastinate which is also a plus.

Craig forces himself to open up a word document. He is terrible at writing papers. He is good at science and math, but he has always been _terrible_ at papers.

“So, I’ve been thinking,”

Craig lifts his head to eye Kyle.

“If we keep this going, we could just meet here for dates. We could get our work done, and not like, have to just waste time doing nothing,”

Craig furrows his eyebrows slightly. “Or we could just… _hang out,_ ya know, like _friends?”_

Kyle frowns, “Yeah, I mean, _yeah,_ but look I have the stuff to do. I’m taking eighteen credits, and it’s a lot. I don’t have time to date, so I don’t have time to just _hang out_ all the time, either.”

Craig glances at his laptop, then at Kyle. He does not want to spend any more time in the library than necessary (which is when he comes here to print something out). He slumps his shoulders down. “Eighteen Credits? What is wrong with you?”

“I’m trying to graduate a semester early. That way I can start on my Master’s degree faster,”

“Uh-huh, just skipping past the bachelor’s degree as a whole then?” Craig eyes his laptop again, clicking on his search engine. He honestly doesn’t even know what this paper is supposed to be _about._ He hasn’t even looked at the rubric and it’s due in a couple of days.

“No time to waste. The sooner I’m finished, the better,”

“You say that, and then you go straight into your masters,” Craig squints hazel at amber.

“I need my masters,” Kyle connects his eyes to his.

“Right, because you can’t get a job with _just_ a Biology degree,” Craig offers a small smirk before continuing his search for the paper’s instructions. “And minor in _whatever.”_

“Environmental Justice,” Kyle fills in. “A lot of more job opportunities come up with a Masters,” he says. “And the pay increase is substantial. It’s only two more years. It’s worth it,”

Craig does not know how he does it. He has only been in college for two years — and a half if you count this semester — and it feels closer to a lifetime. He has at least a year and a half left, and he is fairly certain he is behind a semester, on top of that. “You got diligence, Red, I’ll give you that,”

“Thanks,” Kyle mumbles.

Craig takes a sip of his coffee.

“So. We can come to the library then?”

Craig nearly forgot why they were discussing this in the first place — they are on a _pretend the_ second date. He sighs, glancing at his laptop with disdain before locking eyes with Kyle. “I haven’t even fully agreed to this.”

“Well, if you _did_ agree,”

Craig stares at the male. Kyle intensely stares back at him, awaiting an answer. He is persistent and determined; willing to do whatever it takes to get what he wants. Craig inhales through his nose. He could try to use his energy to fight off Kyle, or he could just go with it — even though part of him knows this is doomed to fail. Maybe — by the off chance that this works — Clyde will stop bothering him.

“I don’t like the library,” Craig says.

“What? Why?”

Craig shrugs, glancing around. He doesn’t know. Maybe it’s the people. Maybe it’s the walk here. Maybe it’s the ambiance of students who think they are too good to study in their dorms.

“I like my room better,”

Kyle rolls his eyes. He huffs out a breath, and wets his lips, “once a week.”

“We are only going to hang out _once a week?”_ Craig quips an eyebrow. He shakes his head, “that doesn’t seem _realistic_ for someone I’m dating.”

“I’m not saying that’s the only time we’ll be together, according to _them_ , at least. I mean, aren’t their times where Clyde is gone? You could say we were together when he leaves — run it past me so I can verify with Stan,”

Craig inwardly frowns. “Seems overly complicated.”

“It will be fine,” Kyle insists, “if some overlap comes into play, we will just play it off. They aren’t going to suspect that we are _fake_ dating,”

Craig shrugs, “it would be a weird first conclusion to come to, but I still would rather not be the center of everyone’s drama.”

Kyle sighs, raising his arm so he can rest his cheek against his fist. “So what do you propose as your plan then?”

Craig ponders, peering around the library. He eyes the bookshelf. He probably can honestly find a few good books on space here. He should check it out. He turns back to Kyle. “You could come over. We can study in my room.”

Kyle appears to be hesitant but sucks in a breath through his nose and nods. “Sure. That should be fine — one day at the library, one day at your place — occasionally sprinkling in lies. It should be fine this way,”

Craig wonders how long this can work. He doesn’t expect long when it reaches those past Stan, Kenny, and Clyde — more than the three brain cells they share. “Okay. So then, when do we start… _officially_ dating?”

Kyle purses his lips and shrugs. He gently wraps a finger around one of his auburn curls; the dim hanging chandelier making his hair appear darker than usual. “Two weeks?” he suggests, his hand falling back on top of his laptop. “That’s… normal, right?”

“I guess? I don’t know. Usually, the other person I’m dating brings it up,” Craig stares at the computer screen, thinking back to the last person he dated with slight irritation. He clicks his eyes to Kyle, who appears to be in deep thought, eyes trained on something behind him.

Kyle’s eyes settle onto his; a somewhat of a small smirk bending from his pink lips. “Well, how about we say _you_ brought it up,” his smirk widens into something more sinister; his voice a pitch higher than usual. He tilts his head, “it’s technically the truth, and it’s good to stick closest to the truth when lying.”

“I wasn’t trying to be cocky, or gloat. I was just saying… that’s normally how it goes,” Craig explains with a shrug. Kyle’s playful grin continues to exist, and Craig sighs. “Fine. Do what you want… I don’t care.”

Kyle sniggers, “okay, then, we will say we are officially together, two weeks from now,” Kyle pulls his phone from his jacket pocket and begins to type something out on there. Craig watches him — when he is done, he sets his phone and says, “all done.”

“Did you just put that in your calendar?”

“It doesn’t hurt to stay organized,”

Craig sniggers. “I think we could remember it without the reminder.”

Kyle shrugs, “well now we have the date saved in my phone for when we started dating, just in case either of us forgets — _November 20 th.”_

“Great,” Craig mumbles, the bizarre situation only becoming more and more bizarre in his mind. He cannot comprehend how Kyle thinks this will work, but he seems pretty invested in it. Craig will play along for now, but if it gets too out of hand — he will dip.

-

When he comes home from the library, Clyde is home, and _Tweek_ is over.

Craig widens his eyes at the unexpected sight of him. Tweek is pretty perceptive and knows him well — considering they dated for four years. He is one of the people he was worried about convincing. He didn’t think he would have to deal with Tweek yet, either. He assumed he had more time.

He shuts the door behind him, taking slow steps inside. Whatever conversation the two were having before has come to an abrupt halt. Clyde stands up, turning to him with a wide grin. “How did the date with Kyle go?”

He internally groans, before he nods his head and says, “good.”

He should have predicted that the news of him and Kyle would spread fast — especially with Clyde and his big mouth.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you went on a date with him, man!” Tweek stands up as well, walking over to stand in front of him, alongside Clyde.

Craig shrugs, glancing between Tweek and Clyde. “Well, considering I didn’t even _know_ I was going on that _first_ date with him…” He glares down at Clyde, who sheepishly grins in response. He turns his attention back to Tweek. With furrowed eyebrows, he asks, “you didn’t know about that whole blind–date thing?”

“I did,” Tweek admits with a small shrug, “but the point is — _you_ didn’t tell me about it, or that you were going on a second date with him,” he punches him the shoulder. “What gives?” he asks.

Craig rolls his eyes and steps away from his friends to head towards the kitchen. “Because I hate you both,” Craig mumbles. “I don’t like being manipulated,” he calls back to them as he roams into the kitchen.

The two follow behind him.

“Well, it worked, didn’t it?” Clyde asks from behind him as Craig approaches a kitchen cabinet to poke through. “You said it was good, right? You think you will go on another date with him?”

Craig tries to think of how he would normally respond to a question like this — in regards to a boy he likes. He pulls out a box of Kraft macaroni and cheese from the cabinet and walks over to their stove to grab a pot. “I guess,” he says. “He is… _cool,”_ he shrugs. He is not sure if this is the correct word to describe a nerd like Kyle, but he supposes it is generic enough of an adjective that it will work to convince his friends.

Craig grabs the pot and fills it with water before returning it to the stove. He switches the stove on and feels his friends watching him. He does not acknowledge them. Mostly because he worries that this is so obviously a lie. He does not think Clyde would catch it, but Tweek can read him better than most.

Instead of looking at his friends, he focuses on the water in the pot.

“I knew it — I knew you two would hit it off, you’re so alike. I told you, Tweek,”

“I didn’t disagree!” Tweek says, “I just said that I think he will try to fight it because he doesn’t like people meddling in his life,”

Craig rolls his eyes. “Yes, that is correct,” he glares at them both. “And therefore, I’m not going to share many details of what’s going on between us,” he decides. “You’ve already been in my business enough.”

Clyde laughs while Tweek looks sort of upset. He sighs and returns to staring at the water. This is already extremely annoying to deal with. Maybe he should dip.

“Fine, fine,” Clyde says, “ _but_ you have to admit you’re a good match, and you probably would have taken forever to figure it out on your own,”

Craig does not take much consideration to the words. Instead, he shrugs — still hunched over the pot of water. He watches as the water begins to ripple and form bubbles at the bottom edges of the pot. “Sure.”

Tweek and Clyde leave him alone to his cooking after that. He allows a breath of relief to slip past his mouth in response to their departure. So far, so good, he supposes. Tweek did not seem suspicious, but more so annoyed by his closed-off demeanor, as usual, and Clyde is too excited to form any critical thought on the matter.

Maybe Kyle is right. Maybe this can work. Maybe he should trust that his big brain is capable of more than just STEM practices and extensive vocabulary.

As he gets lost in thought over the situation, the water begins to boil, bubbling over the edges of the pot and onto the stove. The sizzling sounds of the water hitting the stove awakes him from his train of thought. He turns down the stove and pours the noodles in.

As he waits for the noodles to cook, he pulls out his phone and sends a text to Kyle.

_Okay, I’m in._

_Weren’t you already? Nov 20. Remember?_

_I told you writing it down was a good idea._

_I never fully agreed to it. I am now._

_Oh ok. Cool._

-

The next two weeks are simpler than he expects.

He meets Kyle at the Library on Wednesdays, and Kyle comes over on Fridays. While he is still not a huge fan of the library, he takes some time to search for some interesting books on space while he is there. Kyle even offers help to look, as Craig is not very familiar with the library’s system of storage.

He learns that Kyle is interested in space as well. He reads a book about Mars in the library, instead of working on homework, and is surprised that Kyle is actually interested in the small, cool facts that Craig speaks of. At one point, he even slides the book over and Kyle reads a whole excerpt.

He should not be surprised though. He has had discussions with Kyle in the past about NASA; Mars discoveries, and the general bizarre nature of the universe they live in. He is _not_ surprised, in all honesty. He just never really put much _thought_ into it before.

When Kyle comes over to his dorm for the first time, Clyde is unfortunately home. He shuffles the boy inside his room quickly; keeping him away from Clyde and his stupid, nosy behavior.

There is not much to his dorm room. He has a couple of space posters up — one of the solar system and another of the moon phases. It is just stuff he brought from his childhood bedroom, and there is not much else to the interior design. Kyle however finds the picture of Stripe — his guinea pig — he keeps at his bedside and laughs at him.

He rolls his eyes at him and threatens to break up with him in response.

When Kyle comes to his dorm, he lets him take the spot at his desk, while he sits on his bed. They work separately. Craig even wears earbuds as he works on video editing. Kyle does not seem to mind though.

It’s not a bad setup. He does not mind Kyle being around twice a week. He is a pretty tolerable person to be around. Within the two weeks, their group gathers _once._

Craig is not sure if Token, Cartman, or Butters know that they have gone on _dates._ They don’t say anything about it, which makes Craig believe that they _don’t._ He is sure at least Cartman would voice his opinion on it.

He doesn’t act much different with Kyle while with their group of friends. He _may be talking_ to him a little more than usual, compared to _before_ their arrangement, but only because he is used to being around him now.

They are not a couple yet though — just have been on a few dates, and it’s acceptable to act like only friends. However, he gets a few smirks and eyebrow waggles from Kenny. He ignores them.

On November 20th — the day they agreed to _officially_ start “dating” — they find themselves in the library. It is a Wednesday, so they were originally supposed to meet here. Craig woke up that morning with the knowledge _however_ that today would be different somehow — they would have to talk about _whatever._

He proves himself right when Kyle brings it up — only a few minutes into their library “date” session.

“ _So_ ,” Kyle declares, and before he even says it, Craig knows where it is going. “It’s November 20th.”

“You just get that notification or something?” Craig raises an eyebrow at him.

Kyle’s face falls, “no, I remembered.”

  
“So, it seems we didn’t need it after all,”

Kyle rolls his eyes, “it didn’t _hurt._ Don’t be annoying, Craig.”

“Fine.”

Kyle inhales. “So. I was thinking, and I think that we should just do something simple,” Kyle begins to talk with his hands — something that Craig has noticed Kyle does _often._ “You ask, _so what are we doing,_ and I ask what you want from it, you say you want to be exclusive, and I say yes.”

“So I have to be the one to bring it up — and _also_ ask you out?”

“Isn’t that normally how it goes?” Kyle lifts an eyebrow. He goes onto explain, using hand gestures to speak still, “the person who asks, also asks the other person to be exclusive? Otherwise, why are they asking?”

“As I said, I’m typically not the one asking,”

Kyle’s friendly stare turns dark as he glowers at him. “You realize you sound _very_ cocky when you say that, right?”

  
“I think it’s more about me being emotionally disengaged, as my exes have told me, than _cocky,_ ” Craig smacks his lips into a tight line of embarrassment. He shrugs, “but whatever, I don’t care, Red. We can go with your plan.”

“I can’t say I’m surprised by that,” Kyle voices, “but cool. Thanks for not being difficult.”

Craig glares at him and gives him the bird.

“What? I said thank you.”

“You also insulted me.”

Kyle rolls his eyes and huffs out a breath. He returns his gaze to him, raising his eyebrows. “Are you offended?” He asks, cocking his head with a tight line across his lips.

He is kind of — honestly. Only because of his last relationship, and probably everyone before that, failing for this reason.

“Fine,” Kyle sighs. “I’m sorry. Everything cool between us now?”

Craig shifts his gaze to behind Kyle — the window beside him — the late afternoon sun casting its golden aura among them. He sucks in a breath and locks eyes with Kyle again. He nods. “It was never — _not_ cool.”

Kyle looks unconvinced but nods. He loses the amber gaze to the laptop screen in front of Kyle. He keeps his eyes on him still, though. He wonders if Kyle’s past relationships. He has known him for two years now and has only seen him pass through a couple of short flings. “Great,” Kyle chirps, alongside the clicking of his keyboard, “so everything is settled then — you’ll tell Clyde, Tweek, whoever. I’ll tell Stan and Kenny.”

Craig continues to stare at him — ignoring doing any actual work. “What about Cartman?” He asks.

Amber eyes flash up at him; the sun catching them in a way that separates the varying streaks of honey and gold that highlight in his irises. “I’m sure he will figure it out eventually, but… we will just live peacefully until then…” his amber eyes focus back on his laptop.

Craig inwardly smiles, looking down at his planner that rests on the table in front of him that he brought out when he first arrived. “You think we will be able to convince him?” He asks.

“I don’t know,” Kyle says in a deadpan and shakes his head. “Who knows with him. If he approves of our relationship, he’ll stick his nose in it — if he disapproves, he’ll try to break us up. I don’t know which is worse.”

Craig recalls Cartman attempting to break up the relationship between their friend Token and Wendy. He wanted Token to continue to date their other friend Nichole, and they are all pretty sure it had to do with race. Then, Bebe had begun to be interested in Nichole, and Cartman was entirely for it — possibly the _reason_ behind it. However, when Stan and Kenny announced their relationship, Cartman was _keen_ on breaking them up.

Craig shakes his head, “it’s not like we have anything to lose. He can’t break us up because we aren’t really together. I think I rather have that than him hammering me with questions and details.”

Kyle’s eyes briefly connect to his. The other man lets out a breath of air. “We can only wait and see… For some reason though, I feel like he will be the biggest person to get in the way.”

“He is the _biggest_ person in our friend group,”

Kyle laughs and nods, but falls back into his work after the comment. Craig attempts to do the same and gets some work done. He still hates the library and prefers procrastination, but he has to admit that it is somewhat nice to finish things early.

-

When he gets to his dorm, he yet again finds Tweek there. He supposes he would have to tell him anyway. He just was hoping that it would be over text. Clyde has slowly lost interest in his dates with Kyle — as Craig expected would happen anyways. The first couple of dates are usually the only ones Clyde bugs him about.

His friends offer him a lazy greeting — continuing with that former conversation. Craig just stands awkwardly, shifting his eyes between them until they both look up at him with interest — curious as to why he is just standing above them.

“So, Kyle and I are… like _together_ now… Officially.”

They both break out into grins, and Clyde holds up a fist for him to bump. Craig glances hesitantly at it before meeting him for a fist bump. “Congrats, dude, that’s awesome,” he says.

  
“That was fast,” Tweek comments.

He switches his attention to the other man on his couch. His heartbeat quickens inside his chest at the slight inquisitive glint in Tweek’s green eyes. He shrugs, “yeah… I don’t know. Probably because we were friends first or whatever?”

A nervous smile lifts on the corners of Tweek’s lips, which Craig furrows his eyebrows at, but doesn’t verbally question. “Makes sense,” he nods, looking away.

He makes a note in his head to look for further odd behavior from Tweek and turns his head to Clyde — whose previous smile has mellowed out into a closed, sheepish one — his eyes avoiding him. He furrows his eyebrows again at his friend’s odd behavior, but yet again, doesn’t question it. Maybe if he doesn’t question _them,_ they won’t question him.

“Uh… yeah, so… I’m gotta go get ready for work… so,” he turns to walk to his bedroom.

He pulls his phone out from his pocket to text Kyle that it went well, but sees that he has received a couple of texts _already —_ from a couple of people — and from a _group chat_ called _double date!_ He frowns and furrows his eyebrows as he opens it.

_Kenny (2:53 pm): CONGRATS!!!!!!!!! Welcome to the cuff club, boys. We about to go on a double date or what?????_

_Stan (2:53 pm): I’m down!!!_

_Kenny (2:54 pm): Saturday??? 7 pm??? Glow in the Dark Mini Golf????_

_Stan (2:54 pm): sounds awesome boo_

Craig scowls and then opens the separate text from Kyle.

_So, I told them, and their immediate thought was a double date._ 🙄 _Are you willing? Saturday_?

Craig pulls a hand over his face. Instead of responding to Kyle, he opens the group chat again. He can’t see a way to get out of this. They will probably just continue to bug him about it.

And honestly, he is a fan of mini-golf.

_Sure. Saturday’s fine._

_Kenny (2:55pm): SWEEEEETT!!!!!!!! Can’t wait_

_Stan (2: 56pm): cool!_

A second later he receives a text from Kyle. He ignores Kenny and Stan and opens the separate one from Kyle.

_Thanks_

_Sure. You’re paying though._

_Fine._ 🙄

Craig is somewhat skeptical of this — of how they are supposed to act now that they are a couple, but he does not think Kenny and Stan will be too hard to fool.


	3. glow golf

The Friday before their double date, Kyle convinces Craig to leave his room and meet him for lunch instead.

Kyle does not know how Stan can call _him_ a shut-in when Craig the hermit exists. At least Kyle _leaves_ his room — he is part of the LGBTQ club, along with the _Political Young Activists of America_ group on campus. He attends most of their group hangouts. He is _not_ a shut-in. He is just uninterested in romance — has not had a serious significant other since high school, and his last date was in the summer.

He does not know why it’s such a big issue. He has never been super into romance like Stan. It’s not something he _cares_ about. He likes how things are now — having time for his friends and being free to exist as a single unit. Whenever people couple up, they suddenly become an _us._ He hates that — hates how entangled you become with the other person.

He wants to be his _own_ person.

He waits outside the sandwich shop on campus for Craig, leaning against the glass window — eyes scanning the crowd of walking students for him. He debates on just heading inside — the cold weather finally getting to him, and nipping at his nose. Instead, he pulls his phone out and sends him a message.

_Where are you?_

_On my way!_

_Hurry up. You’re late._

_Wouldn’t be late if you just came to my dorm like you were supposed to._

Kyle rolls his eyes and shoves his phone into his coat pocket, turning his foot to head inside the sandwich shop. It is just a simple sandwich shop, rather than a sit-down, full-service restaurant — you place your order and take it to your table to eat. He takes his time looking over the menu, hoping that by the time he decides on something, Craig will be here.

He contemplates between salad or soup for his side when he hears the door open behind him. He looks over his shoulder to find Craig, wrapped in a scarf and covered with the dark blue beanie he wears often.

“Hey,” Craig greets him with a head nod, stepping forward to stand beside him and shifting his eyes to the menu ahead of them. “Sorry, I’m late. I didn’t want to get out of bed.”

Kyle furrows his eyebrows at him, “it’s noon.”

“And it’s _Friday_ — one of my only days to sleep in,” Craig purses his lips.

“Well, _sorry_ to make you crawl out of bed at a reasonable hour,” Kyle rolls his eyes back to the menu.

“You can make up for it by buying me lunch,”

Kyle snorts, crossing his arms over his chest. “Yeah, nice try. I’m already paying for your mini-golf tomorrow night.”

“Worth a try.”

Kyle starts to guide them into the small line. As they wait, they make small conversations about the menu and what they are getting. Kyle places his order first, then steps aside so Craig can place his. As he does so, Kyle glances at him up and down. As lazy as Craig can be, he does put effort into his appearance. While his hair is currently covered with a beanie, it is always stylishly done and cut — Craig most likely taking frequent trips to the barber to maintain the routine length and style. His black skinny jeans have holes at the knees, despite the cold weather, and his flannel scarf has the same blue accents as his beanie.

Craig turns to him after paying and Kyle immediately focuses his attention elsewhere — suddenly aware that he was _kind of_ just checking Craig out — at least how he _presents_ himself. They wait at the end of the counter together, chatting mindlessly again until their orders are up and they find a table. When they sit down to eat, Kyle starts the necessary conversation they need to have.

“So,” Kyle starts, picking up his sandwich, “we need to act like a couple for the first time.”

Craig does not look him in the eye, instead grabs his sandwich and takes a bite. He clicks his eyes up to him, shrugging. “Do you think we have to change _that_ much? A lot of couples just act like friends around each other, and it’s not a big deal,”

Kyle scoffs, smirking as he takes a bite of his sandwich. After he swallows, he says, “ _you_ don’t do that.”

Craig’s expression hardly changes but he sets his sandwich down. “Elaborate.”

Kyle rolls his eyes, setting his sandwich down as well. He cannot help but laugh awkwardly as he explains, “you’re pretty prone to PDA.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been that bad.”

“You were with Thomas,” he chuckles.

Craig shifts his eyes away, picking up the sandwich in front of him to take a bite. The smile on Kyle’s lips disperses as he watches him. He wonders if he struck some type of chord. He purses his lips to the side, looking to his sandwich instead. They broke up sometime during the summer. Kyle would not expect that Craig — of all people — would still be upset about a breakup from _that_ long ago. He is probably just overthinking it.

Kyle clears his throat, “anyways, I just think we should have a plan. That way neither of us will do anything to surprise the other… or like, step over any boundaries.”

“Don’t worry. I wasn’t planning to grab your butt.”

Kyle furrows his eyebrows, finding himself flushing over the comment. He clears his throat again, “okay… well, good to know? Anything else?”

“Don’t grab mine,”

Kyle squints his eyes, “ _alright_ — no butts. Good to know. Anything else?”

“If you’re gonna kiss me, just like warn me because nothing is worse than a kiss you’re not prepared for,” Craig mutters, picking up some chips and throwing them into his mouth. Kyle watches with knitted eyebrows — an uneasy feeling climbing from his stomach to his chest.

“I doubt we are going to have to kiss,” Kyle shakes his head, picking up his spoon to dip into his soup. He wets his lips before he says, “I was thinking just like… holding hands… _maybe,_ or just like… smiling at each other.”

“Smiling?” Craig barks out a laugh. “What the fuck. I know relationships aren’t your thing but… come on. That’s like elementary school level.”

“You _never_ smile,” Kyle accuses, picking his head up to narrow his eyes on the man. “If you saw yourself — you would know why I said that.”

“ _Fine,_ I’ll _smile_ more,” Craig concedes. “Anything else?”

Kyle looks out of the corner of his eye in thought. He slowly shakes his head, flicking his eyes back to his soup as he spoons it up. “No, I don’t think so. Just… I don’t know. Whatever you think is natural without being too much.”

It’s Craig, he reminds himself. He is not a spontaneous guy. He spends his weekends watching TV or YouTube videos. He isn’t _Kenny_ — he is the least chaotic person he knows. He feels foolish for even worrying about it in the first place.

“Okay. Well, anything off limits to you, Broflovski?”

Kyle bites his bottom lip in thought. “I mean, I guess the same… Warn me if you _have_ to kiss me, and…,” — he shrugs — “I don’t know. Stupid nicknames annoy me.”

Craig’s lip curves out into an _evil_ smirk — instant regret haunting him. “Stupid nicknames, huh?” He picks up a chip, throwing it into his mouth again. As he chews, his hazel eyes click onto Kyle’s – something in them extremely unsettling. “Okay, _Red,_ duly noted.”

Kyle rolls his eyes, grabbing his sandwich for a bite. He honestly does not mind that nickname so much, but maybe if he acts as though he hates it, Craig will not think of any other stupid nicknames for him.

-

The next day, Kenny and Stan are _insistent_ that Kyle dress up for _glow-in-the-dark putt-putt._ Kyle thinks it’s absolutely ridiculous to dress up for such a childish game, but as always, he cannot get them to leave him alone. So, he lets Kenny pick out an outfit for him as Stan tries to fix his hair.

It’s cold outside — the middle of November, and he wants to wear a hat, but when he picks one from his closet, Stan swats his hand.

“What the hell?” Kyle furrows his eyebrows at his friend.

“I just spent like _thirty_ minutes on your hair, and you’re just going to ruin it by putting on a hat?”

“It’s like 20 degrees outside!”

“And we will be indoors!” Stan claps back, taking the hat from him, and throwing it back into his closet. Kyle rolls his eyes at the action, immediately picking it back up so he can store it in the basket that it belongs. He shuts the closet door and turns to his friends with slumping shoulders and a scowl.

“Fine,” he declares, “but I’m never letting you do this again. It’s stupid,” he glances at the mirror in his room, flicking some of his hair off his forehead. “God, I just need to cut this again — it’s getting out of control.”

“It’s hot,” Kenny claps Kyle’s back. “Gives Craig something to hold onto while you guys are fucking.”

He does his best not to respond in disgust — how he _normally_ would to Kenny’s perv comments. However, he supposes that since Craig is his _boyfriend_ now, maybe he should be a little more easy going about it. He shakes his head, “shut up, Kenny.”

Their conversation comes to an end with a knock from the door. Kyle is ready to turn on his feet, but Kenny is quicker — nearly _sprinting_ to the door, while screaming, “ _I’ll get it!”_

Kyle huffs out a breath, watching as he dashes out of the room. He feels Stan watching him and looks over to meet his gaze. He looks… _skeptical._ “You seem like you really don’t want to do this,” Stan says.

Anxiety plummets through him like a broken elevator shaft from his chest to his stomach. He darts his eyes to the mirror again, examining himself. “I just don’t like double dates.”

“Because you hate anything romantic?”

Kyle’s lip quivers in response, his eyebrows knitting together.

“What happened to the Kyle Broflovski who serenaded a girl at her window?”

“Well, he was _nine,_ and she also broke his heart,”

“Don’t tell me you’re still heartbroken by something that happened over a decade ago,”  
  


“Obviously not!” Kyle exclaims. “But it was a little scarring.”

“You need to learn how to let things go,” Stan chuckles, stepping forward to give Kyle the push to leave his bedroom.

He sucks in a breath and strides forward — preparing himself to face the gigantic lie he is attempting to pull off. When he sees Craig — he looks the same as normal, for the gigantic grin he offers, making Kyle inwardly roll his eyes.

“Hey, Cutie Pie. You all ready for our date?”

Kyle wants to punch him in the face, especially when Kenny starts snickering beside him, most likely laughing at Kyle’s scowl and red cheeks. “Yes, I’m ready,” Kyle says through gritted teach, stepping forward and picking his coat off the hook by the door. He keeps his glare on Craig as he does so — the stupid asshole’s grin only rising further to his cheeks.

Kyle and Craig lead the way outside the dorm, a few yards ahead of the other couple. Kyle glances back before he steps closer to Craig, whispering, “I hate you.”

“Love you too, babe.”

“You’re annoying,” Kyle huffs. So much for no surprises. “Babe is fine, but cutie pie, _really_?”

Craig shrugs, a smile on his face as he faces forward. “Come on, I couldn’t resist.”

“Well, _stop_ it,” Kyle hisses.

They make their way out of the dorm complex and to Kenny’s beat-up, blue Volkswagen in the parking lot. Kenny climbs into the driver’s side, while Stan takes shotgun and Craig and Kyle share the back. He hates when Kenny drives. He drives like he is on NASCAR. Stan argues that Kyle is _just_ as bad with how aggressive he can be, but Kyle disagrees.

Besides Kenny’s driving, the ride goes smoothly. Kenny keeps his music up loud, so Kyle and Craig are blocked out from the front conversation, and Craig spends much of his time staring out the window. Kyle spends most of the time, telling himself this will go as planned. They will easily fool them, and he will beat than in Mini Golf whilst doing so. If Craig calls him some stupid nickname, he will brush it off. Craig _wants_ a reaction. If he doesn’t give him one, he will stop.

When they arrive at the arcade — walking inside — yet again a few feet ahead of the others, Craig extends his hand out to him. Kyle’s eyes click to hazel and then the hand that beckons him. He slowly takes it, lacing their fingers together and hoping that his hands do not sweat. It has nothing to do with Craig, and just his awkward bodily reaction to the intimacy of holding hands with someone.

They do not talk as they step inside. Kenny and Stan soon catch up from behind them, Kenny nearly skipping his way to the corner of the arcade where the glow-in-the-dark Mini Golf is located. Kyle wrinkles his nose in disgust, “it smells like feet in here.”

“Maybe it’s just your boyfriend,” Kenny sends a lazy smile to them both.

Craig gives him the bird in response, and Kenny turns to the counter, paying for himself and Stan. Kyle stands beside Craig — feeling his hands sweat. He throws his head back in annoyance at his bodily functions.

Craig leans over, lowering his voice, “your hands are sweaty.”

Kyle groans and pulls his hand away from the other male’s — heat scorching up his neck and into his cheeks. He covers his face in frustration — hating how flustered he can get over absolutely nothing. It does not help with how _pale_ he is. It just brings out the red even more.

He hears Craig chuckle beside him. He brings down his hands to glower at him. “Can you stop?”  
  


Craig chuckles, “I’m literally not doing anything. I just pointed something out.”

“Okay, well, thanks Captain Obvious,”

“Hey love birds,” Kenny calls from beside the counter, holding a putt-putt club and an orange ball. “You’re up,” he nods to the counter.

Kyle rolls his eyes, grabbing Craig’s hand again, and pulling them forward. He does his best to ignore the chuckle the smacks against his eardrum. Craig is such an asshole — just because he is unfazed by absolutely _everything_ — doesn’t mean he should fuck with Kyle.

Kyle pays for both of their games, and after grabbing their equipment, they follow the other couple through the entrance of the glow-in-the-dark mini-golf course. Kyle’s eyes dance through the area — falling on the first hole which has a statue dinosaur at the end of it. His eyes move upward, taking note of what appears to be stars, and then beyond the first hole, and to the second and third one, which consists of a model of the Eiffel tower and a caterpillar.

“What is the theme here?”

“Glow in the dark,” Kenny says.

Kyle furrows his eyebrows.

“Stupidity,” Craig says.

Kyle snorts — for the first time that night _not_ faking a reaction to Craig.

“I’ll go first,” Stan declares, glancing between the trio. None of the dark colors he wears picks up any color, as opposed to Kenny, whose yellow jacket glows neon, as well as his grey joggers. “Who is going to write down the scores?”

“I got it, babe,” Kenny declares with a smile, holding up a small pad of paper and pencil. Stan smiles at him and gets a kiss on the cheek from Kenny in return, prompting Kyle to roll his eyes. Stan and Kenny are the _worst_ with their PDA. He realizes that he is still holding Craig’s hand at that moment — his nerves have gone down significantly as he gets used to the feeling. He glances up and down at Craig — his grey jacket and NASA beanie being the only place that the black light picks up. His eyes travel to his own orange jacket, glowing in the light, along with the laces on his boots.

Stan sets up his ball, taking his time to line his club with the ball.

“Hurry _up,”_ Craig beckons, throwing his head back. “We are going to be here all night at this rate.”

Stan sends him a glare in response, but takes his shot afterward, sending the ball close to the hole. Kenny goes next, hitting the ball way too hard, and bouncing it against the wall, sending it straight back to him. Kyle goes next, placing his ball somewhere among Stan’s, and Craig hits the ball way too lightly, barely getting it down the fake grass. Stan and Kyle get it in on the second try, while Craig gets it in on the third and Kenny gets it in on the fourth.

The next hole goes a little differently — Stan helping Kenny with his line up, and Kenny somehow managing to get a hole in one as a result.

“That should not count,” Kyle protests as Kenny smiles widely, throwing his golf club above his head. “You should not get the point for that — Stan helped you. It’s totally cheating.”

“Kenny still _did_ it,” Stan argues, “he deserves the point.”

Kyle rolls his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest, “fine.”

He feels a hand on his shoulder and looks over to find Craig offering a smile. He knows it is just Craig making fun of him for saying he should smile more. His amber eyes form into slits as Craig begins to talk, “relax, sunshine, you’ll get the next one.”

Kyle rolls his eyes. His friends’ laughter pisses him off even more. “Just _go,_ Stan,” he demands.

“Will do, _sunshine_ ,” Stan winks at him.

Kyle glares at Craig for that, who just sniggers in response, bowing his head down and pulling his hand away.

They go through the next few holes a little more quickly — a group now behind them. Craig’s game progressively gets better, while Kenny’s continues to be extremely inconsistent — ranging from another hole in one to a six because he cannot make it into the hole. Meanwhile, Stan and Kyle face off, always ending with the same score, or only one off.

When they get to the seventh hole, Stan manages to get a hole-in-one, resulting in Kenny wrapping his arms around him and pressing a wet, sloppy kiss to his lips. Kyle grimaces, turning his head away, while Craig appears in deep thought, squatting down, and resting his chin against the handle of the golf club.

“I was never like _that,”_ Craig randomly declares.

Kyle knits his eyebrows as he eyes Craig and then the couple he nods to, giggling and dancing together on the course. “What?” Kyle asks.

Craig rises, standing taller than Kyle now as he looks down at him. “You said that I was _prone to PDA._ ”

Kyle shrugs, “yeah, I did, and you _were,_ ” he clarifies with a jut to his chin. He nods to the disgusting couple at the end of the hole, “not as bad as them, but.”

Craig glares at him, and Kyle wonders why he is even bringing this up again. Was he really that offended by it? Craig has never been someone to hold a grudge or to take anything personal. Instead of asking, he says, “I’m going to go — I don’t care if I hit them.”

Craig glances at them, then Kyle. “I sort of think you want to.”

Kyle smirks at him before turning to the start of the hole, and setting his golf ball down. “Get out of my way, or I hit you,” he calls out.

Kenny and Stan pick their heads up from their love fest, and separate — knowing that Kyle is not beyond doing that. He focuses his attention on the hole, and then his ball, sucking in a breath. He needs to get a hole in one to keep up with Stan now.

He takes his shot, and miraculously, he gets a hole in one as well.

“Fuck yeah!” Kyle grins, pumping his fist in the air.

Kenny howls out a _Woohoo!_ While Stan glowers at him — eyebrows knitting together in confusion. “How!?” he demands from down the hole.

“Good job, Babe,” Craig says, reminding him of his presence and their situation. He steps forward, wrapping a hand around his shoulders, making his nerves spike up again. “You want me to spend the next thirty minutes congratulating you?”

Kyle laughs, shaking his head, “no thanks.”

“Don’t be fucking rude,” Kenny calls out, “I’m just being supportive!”

Craig flips off Kenny again, for the second time that night, and pushes Kyle away. “All right, get out of here so I can have my spotlight.”

Kyle chuckles in amusement, stepping out of the way so Craig can have a clear shot. He comes really close to getting a hole-in-one himself, the golf ball circling around the hole and then to the side. “God dammit,” Craig shoulder’s slump.

“Hey, that was pretty close,” Kyle says, “you’re getting better,” he offers a smile.

Craig eyes him, muttering out a small thanks before making his way down the court, bumping into Kyle on purpose as he does so. Kyle laughs, following him down, and with the others. Despite being on a _fake_ date, he is honestly having a pretty good time.

-

By the seventeenth hole, Craig’s game greatly diminishes — his effort almost nonexistent while Stan and Kyle only become more competitive, and Kenny evening out somewhere in between. Kyle has been keeping score in his head, and he is pretty sure he is going to win, however he needs to continue to put in the effort — as he and Stan’s scores are almost tied.

“Fuck,” Kyle groans as he misses his third shot of the second hole. Stan had gotten it in on the second. He deducts two points in his head, as Craig lazily puts one long leg in front of the other, and takes a swing at his ball.

His ball flies over the fake grass — through a rock clearing — and hits Kyle’s green ball. The green ball rolls forward, falling into the hole, and causing a grin to dent Kyle’s cheeks. “Nice _going, babe_ ,” he perks his head up at Craig, holding up his bright and enthusiastic smile.

Craig salutes him in response, “sure thing, honey.”

Kyle flips his head over his shoulder at Kenny. “Give me three points.”

“What?” Stan slams his club into the ground, “you didn’t get on the third try — it’s four.”

“I never had a fourth try,” Kyle grins cockily at him, moving over to Craig to drape a hand around his shoulders, “my boyfriend here did it for me.”

Stan scowls, looking at Kenny who just shrugs in response. “Fine,” his best friend says. “Put three down — _whatever,” —_ he turns his focus back to Kyle and Craig — “just know that without _me,_ he wouldn’t even be your boyfriend.”

Kyle drops his arm and glowers at Stan, annoyed that he thinks he has done him such a _huge_ favor of setting him up with Craig when they are not even _together._ It’s the only negative part about this whole situation — Stan being able to gloat, and _often_ about his match making skills.

Stan turns away, mumbling something to Kenny as he writes down his score. Kyle is about to step forward and tell Stan to _shut up,_ but Craig grabs his sleeve, holding him back. “Hey, it’s okay. Calm down.”

Kyle inhales sharply. As much as he wants to tell Stan that he is _wrong_ and not responsible for any relationship forming in his life besides a _fake_ one, he’s knows that would ruin this entire thing. He forces himself to let it go instead, watching as Kenny takes his turn, making the shot. Craig lazily taps his ball next — managing to end the hole with a four.

Kenny jots his score down and the group makes their way to the last hole, completing the game. After they have turned in their equipment, Kyle immediately asks Kenny for the score sheet. He begins to tally the points as they walk out of the arcade — Stan and Kenny walking ahead of them, and Craig walking beside him, peering over his shoulder to look at the score sheet.

By the time they get into the car, Kyle declares himself as the victor — having four less points than Stan. His best friend rolls his eyes, and demands to count the the scoresheet himself After recounting their scores, Stan begrudgingly confirms that Kyle’s math is right — Kyle in first, Stan in second, Kenny in third, and Craig in last.

The ride back to campus is similar to the ride there — quiet in conversation, and loud in music — Stan and Kenny singing along to some indie band they both like. Kyle spends a majority of his time on his phone while Craig eyes are shut a majority of the time, head rolled back and against the seat.

The scenery soon familiarizes — the university entrance greeting them and Kenny _finally_ slowing down under the scrutiny of the fifteen miles per hour speed limit. Kenny does his best to find a parking spot by Stan and Kyle’s dorm, settling on a spot underneath an awning.

They pile out of Kenny’s Volkswagen — Kenny and Stan’s previous conversation coming to an end as they find themselves standing at the rear of his car. Craig is the one to break the silence when he says, “well… I’m gonna get to bed, I’m pretty tired,” and steps forward to pull Kyle into a quick hug. As he releases him, he squeezes his shoulder, and says, _“_ I’ll text you when I get home.”

Kyle forces a smile as he nods, “cool. Walk home safely.”

“Will do,” Craig nods, before sending a quick wave to Stan and Kenny — a tight lipped smile on his face. Kenny and Stan wave back, leaning against the bumper of Kenny’s Volkswagen, watching Craig disappear into the dark parking lot. Kyle furrows his eyes at the pair, curious to why they are watching him walk away with such a close eye.

“What are you guys doing?”

“Just waiting until Craig is out of ear shot to address how fucking awkward that was — you think he mad at you or something?”

“What?” Kyle squints his eyes at his friend.

“Yeah, and are you guys not banging yet? Why didn’t you invite him up?”

Kyle’s heart sputters, his eyes widening between his two friends. “It wasn’t awkward. And if it _was —_ maybe it’s because you were both _staring_ so hard,” — his heart pounds violently in his chest as he looks between them — “and we _haven’t_ slept together yet! Some people like to take things slow.”

Kenny and Stan raise their eyebrows, exchanging a brief glance. “I mean, yeah,” — Kenny shrugs, a sheepish expression on his face — “it’s _fine_ — take much time as you need.”

Kyle stares pointedly at Stan, who holds up his hands in front of him as a response. “Look, I didn’t _mean_ anything by it. He just seemed weird about it. Maybe you should ask him about it?”

Kyle purses his lips, sucking in a deep breath through his nose. “Fine,” he stiffly shrugs a shoulder, lips tight as he says, “I’ll ask him if everything is all right.”

Stan nods, leaning off the car and striding forward. He squeezes Kyle’s shoulder as he passes by him, “just trying to help ya out.”

“Right. Totally,” Kyle nods, “thanks. I appreciate it.”

Kenny steps off the car next, catching up beside Stan. He sends him a reassuring smile and nod his way as he passes him by. Kyle does his best to raise a smile of gratitude. Once Kenny and Stan are both in front of him, he drops the smile, and pulls out his phone to text Craig.

_They think we were being weird._

_We need to work on our goodbyes I think._

_You need to work on your goodbyes._

_You act like you’ve never been hugged b4._

_They specifically said YOU were being weird about it._

_Probably to spare your feelings._

_Fuck off Craig._

_We are going to work on our goodbyes._

_Whatever, sunshine._

_And quit it with the dumb nicknames._

_No can do, baby doll._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ty for reading ily


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